Constellations
by summonershion69
Summary: Tidus is back, but why isn't everything as perfect as Yuna imagined? Yuna is up late pondering her life when she gets quite the surprise. A friendship fic.


Hey, I haven't written Final Fantasy X fanfiction in like three years, but hey...

Hope you enjoy!

I don't understand. Why aren't I as happy as I imagined? All along, I thought this would make my life perfect. Maybe perfection doesn't exist…can't exist. But they told me he didn't- couldn't- exist and here he is, sleeping on the bed where I once lay alone. Every time I see his sparkling aqua eyes or touch his tanned body, I remember the silver spring, the field of flowers and our promise. Then I remind myself he is here now…we can once again live out those memories. No longer are my desires- or the object of said desire- a dream. I'm in the present with the one who once passed right through me. I've said this a million times. Why must every feeling, every hug, and every second feel so surreal? This has to be a dream…so then why is my life such a nightmare?

I looked away from the window and my view changed from the shining moon reflected across the blue-grey ocean to the black and white image of my bedroom. My sleeping lover was only feet from my grasp. If I touched him, my hand wouldn't sink through the ether. I could stroke his hair or place my arms around his neck. That was all I wanted that night and all those subsequent nights. Why aren't I with him now then? I have the chance, but instead I insist upon standing by the window. I'm pondering life...so basically I'm doing nothing. Was I better off falling to the ground in tears as my hopes- then at an all time high- smashed on me? Who knows…at least I was doing my best then…

I took a few steps toward the center of the room. Sleep is a futile endeavor so lying down- even if it is next to him- is only more frustrating. But is tossing and turning endlessly really that much of an improvement over feverish nightmares? Two years ago I'd have said "Hell yeah!" but good is so relative. I once thought marching to my death was the best, but then I met him- him and his hope. The first real hope I ever knew. It kept me moving toward the end. Of course the end was awful…grey is always black when compared to white. In the following months, the line that was my life plummeted…

My new light was like reincarnation. I was reborn in a happier place with the sole purpose of laughter. Once again, my goal was clear…except this time it was more about the journey. My journey…I battled to end up here. This should be a victory party. Why aren't I celebrating?

Come to think about it, I've never had a good track record when it comes to partying. When my father defeated Sin I wasn't exactly the one lighting the fireworks, but I suppose that bowing out of the glee was just a bit justifiable…Now when I killed Sin permanently, I should have been ecstatic…too bad there was that little part where I passed through the love of my life. Have I mentioned yet how much that smarted?

"I think we party enough, don't you?" I smiled when Rikku said that. For the first and only time in my life, that was true. The only time I truly enjoyed myself was when I was a Gullwing…no, I shouldn't insult him like that. It's just different…Damn, why am I doing this? Who gets lost in the middle of the night in their own room? The same person who defeated both Sin and Vehgnagun, I guess.

No, that's so wrong I want to go scrub my brain down for even thinking it…I didn't defeat either of those evil things?...we did. If it was just me, I'd be watching the village from above right about now…no actually I'd be a real loser…you know, since I didn't have any friends to double as guardians. I can't imagine that…right now I can't even imagine life without him. We shouldn't use right now as an example though since it has to be near four and I can't imagine sleeping…

What can we use for an example then? All the times I woke up screaming after some nightmare in which I lost a loved one in a way that upon further examination was almost always less horrid than reality? The fact that I spent seventeen nineteenths of my life unable to think for myself? Or perhaps the nights I slept perfectly under the Celsius' obnoxiously large window because the fiends we would face during the next day's mission didn't care if I had a long history of insomnia? Actually I think I'll go with when I finally learned how to think for myself, I ran wild through the world laughing and having a grand old time.

So then, what changed between now and then? One massive mystery trapped for a good century in a tiny sphere…one check for the past. Two opposing groups inching toward war…the past can keep that. The love of my life…had you asked me that in the past, I would have said he was all that mattered…why does this now exist?

Am I bored? Lonesome? Confused? No on the confusion…that's been with me all my life…and about lonesome…freakin' Tidus is in the room with me…That leaves me with bored. You know what is not boring? Transporting down to the surface to hear the details of your next assignment. When Rikku first recruited me, my throat would get dry and my muscles would go limp every time we approached the disturbance. I know I had been to all those places…but Spira was different. It tasted sweeter, smelled fresher and looked like it got a new coat of paint and about a dozen rounds of polishing. My new job should have come with sunglasses…

By now I would have taken them off…if sunglasses are one extreme, I'm in use of a flashlight. Besaid is my control because let's face it Besaid will always be Besaid- at least to me anyway. Now when it starts becoming uncharted territory you know there's trouble brewing. I know how many trees grow along the left side on the trail…I can tell you the average number of sea gulls who perch in the sand every afternoon. But I just don't see it the same way anymore…what's wrong with me? I keep waiting for something…or maybe not waiting…yearning perhaps…yearning for some distant, unknown thing, which will make me life perfect. It's like there is a scratch on my eye that I can't ever see, but it always there screwing with my vision. Why does this feeling remind me of how I wished I was home on Besaid whenever I had a second to think on my pilgrimage? Well, guess what, Yuna? You are home. When we were first reunited, I welcomed him home. Home…to the isle I grew up on, the place I took sanctuary in during his absence, and where I now wanted him and me to live out our days.

The hut was getting too stuffy; I had to get some fresh air. Life had blessed me with so many pretty nights. When I was younger, my favorite part of the day was stargazing- lying on my back on in the sand staring at those points of light. Then I experienced million of tons of air whooshing over my head as I soared infinitely high. Does that make me a bad person? I just feel too stable standing on the ground. Maybe I'm greedy…the person who is forever searching for something better. What's wrong with the grass on my side?

I wandered out of the village. It was somewhat dumb since there really wasn't anywhere for me to go. The beach? I suppose that would have to do for now. It wasn't as if I could go anywhere I wanted…But that brings up the pressing issue of what I wanted. I sighed. Why did the beach have to be so far away?

For a collection of sand and water, the beach sure meant a lot to me. Think of all the times I've said goodbye- and incidentally hello- on it…of all the things I wished, pondered and dreamed between these cliffs. Most recently, I stood waving as the Celsius departed. Of all my partings, that was probably one of the least painful. Not only was it my choice, but it was far from permanent. I wanted to live on Besaid with Tidus…that was what I had wanted all along. Was I using Rikku and Paine then? Was it my intention to throw them away as soon as I got the person I really wanted back?

But then what about friendship? Was I faking all the tears I cried, all the laughter we shared and all those crazy adventures? If I called, Rikku would be here in a flash. She'd be smiling and giggling just like she always is. Was it that simple to once again have those days I look back so fondly on…?

Or did they figure out my secret? I bet they hate me by now. They're the only people around to see past my do good exterior- to see my selfish heart. As I step onto the beach, I chuckle. I don't believe those bits of ridiculous thought. However, I never really thought about the effect my actions- especially those noble ones- had on my loved ones. I once made Lulu cry back when I first told her I wanted to be a summoner. I'm sure over the course of the journey, I gave all my guardians more than a few grey hairs. What made me so worthy- so special that I could hurt all those people?

Then there is Rikku…she was going crazy searching for ways to save me and she went on a wild goose chase to return a smile to my face. I could never hurt her, but I almost did…I am now, I think. I was happy when I left the crew. We had just had a huge bash in the village, the sun was setting and everyone was too tired for long goodbyes. Now that day seems like a dream. The line between my life as a Gullwing and my life as a civilian on Besaid is so dang fuzzy. I'm here; I'm alone on the beach. Had I been on the airship, I would most likely be crashed somewhere- passed out from laughing too hard and running around all day in search of something that chances are never existed. Somehow, I doubt that's what Rikku is doing right now. Maybe she is watching these same stars.

I sat in the middle of the beach, but I found no comfort. I was not scared- I've beaten most of the fiends in the area up so many times, it is in their genes to avoid me. It was more that it seems pointless to be on a beach alone. I never played here alone as a child and I never walked along the shore alone. Well with the exception of those years after my pilgrimage, but since I try to avoid thinking about those at all costs, they really don't count. Would I find relief if Tidus was here with me? He was next to me all night and my mind still stirred. So what is it that would scratch that itch?

During my pilgrimage, I sought shelter from my woes, in the laughter, smiles and kind words of my guardians and after that, there was Rikku who brought me abundant joy the day she came with that sphere. Now I'm trying to create a place in the world with Tidus. Sure, there is nothing wrong with that, but it's not quite the supreme answer I hoped it would be. I learned way back when that you can't just focus on one thing…when Tidus was away there was still so much good in my life. Even then, I wasn't alone. Lulu and Wakka were always there, Rikku never gave me a moment's peace and Paine lurked in the shadows. A lone tear falls from my eye. As I sat awake in that sand, so many memories and all the people who inhabit them surrounded me. The friends who never minded all the fretting or hassles I caused smile upon me. Those who I once ran with giggle at my idleness and those who held me through my tears…I feel them reaching out. I jump to my feet as if startled from sleep.

Friends. The word is as obvious as the stars above. The constellations that dot the heavens are the star's bonds- their undying show of affection. What is mine? Let's see, I ditched the battle party I once led…The dark sky between us is swelling. Perhaps that is why I'm having trouble picturing the entity we were. Alone I am just me…a lone star- shiny but not nearly as mesmerizing as a constellation. The Gullwings are definitely more than the sum of its parts.

The urge to run and hug Rikku took me over. I dart back toward the path; I choke on the salty air. The only thing that awaits me in the village is my place under Tidus' arm. I'm not rejecting that location, but friends are friends. It had been too long since we pranced around. But…

If Tidus and I were separated, I'd just whistle and he'd come running, but how to attract the attention of someone who could be on the other side of the world and in the sky at that. There are spheres for that sort of stuff, but that just seems so…boring…and besides it's the middle of the night…you never know who might answer…or kill me for waking them. Smoke signals? A deafening concert? Start growing sugar plants? Now you're thinking Yuna…There is always my imagination to fall back on as a last resort.

"Hey Rikku, I know you can't hear me but I have something to say…something besides sorry, that is. I'm actually saying that too though. Thank you so very much. You have made me so very happy, but I…life isn't perfect right now- not the perfect I want. I miss hanging out with you all. I miss being free, worrying about nothing and most of all the comfort I felt when I was with you. I know things can't be the same. After all, in that same, I didn't have Tidus. But we can build-"

"Oh you are such a dork, Yuna."

I whirled around. It's never a good sign when another voice enters the conversation you are having with yourself. I seriously need more sleep. I'm seeing things too….

And then she knocked me off my feet. Rikku did always have the habit of beating me at things- running hugs included. I was giggling…and crying. I looked my cousin in the eyes.

"Are you really here?"

"Just cuz your man was a dream doesn't mean everyone else is too."

"Rikku!!"

"Surprised you, didn't I. I told Lu it was a good idea…I mean…ummm…you heard nothing."

"I wasn't going to ask…"

"Sure you were."

"I still am."

Rikku pouted. "Since you left, my entertainment levels plummeted…then the airship followed suit. The guys are fixing it in the desert somewhere. I made them drop me off here in the mean time so I could visit my favorite person in the world. I planned to crash whatever party you and your lover were having, but when I waltzed in, you weren't home. Lulu escorted me to her place and we got to talking…talking and scheming."

"I'm going to back away now."

"Ohhhh, you should be afraid. Well actually not since I'm here our scheme won't play out. Awww poopie. Hopefully Lu will forget there was a fire spell involved…I don't want to be toast."

"I don't get it."

"We were going to play a trick on you since you are such a rotten friend."

"Me?!"

"No. Wrong person sorry. YES, YOU YUNA!" She jumped to her feet and bounced from foot to foot. "It woulda been epic!"

"Wait…I…don't hate me…"

"Nah, I'm already over it. I knew you'd come to your senses. That's why I followed you…to watch you come to your senses. I haven't witnessed that in awhile. I think I missed that look you get right when you are about to reach your epiphany."

I threw my arms around her neck and we twirled until our legs gave out. I was so dizzy I was seeing stars- no groups of stars…in beautiful patterns.

"You know what else I haven't done in awhile?"

"Stop talking? Sat still?"

"Swam!" Rikku pointed her shaking arm toward the sea. I raised an eyebrow. I went for a dip earlier this morning…

"Come on! Come on!"

"Rikku! I'm wearing my pajamas."

"News flash! Clothes dry."

"I don't think so."

She frowned. I pushed off the ground and sprinted across the sand. I wasn't going to be beaten on my own beach. When I reach the water, I fall forward and end up doing something of a belly flop. Rikku pounces on my back. I'm completely submerged and laughing crazily. A hand pulls me up.

"There is nothing like a good night swim."

I nod. After I catch my breath and regain some of my vision, I fall back and just float there.

"The stars here are so pretty."

I smile.

"Hey, Yuna look over there! Those stars look like a fork."

I cross my arms behind my head and close my eyes. "Those are called constellation and yes, they are especially beautiful.

There is some splashing and then some humming. I tried not to even move. Rikku- still kicking the tail of my favorite outfit when it comes to eliminating the scratch.

* * *

Thanks for reading! By the way, I think there is an item in FFX-2 called "Favorite Outfit" that protects aganist the status affliction "Scratchy" Yeah, I remembered that.


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